I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
