help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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