Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
