I accidentally burped into my bong.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
