The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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