They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
