Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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