No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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