I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
