What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize