He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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