Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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