My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
