i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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