I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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