Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize