so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
