He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
