When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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