i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
