I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize