i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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