we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
