That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I deserve this hangover.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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