now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
