Cold hands, warm shart.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
