After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
