She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
