The maid of honor just puked.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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