she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
