you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
