everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This baby is an asshole
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize