Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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