i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
