I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
