Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
