Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
