just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
