But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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