dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
