if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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