Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
