I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
