taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize