How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
