Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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