just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
