Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
