What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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