Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
