I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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