So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize