hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
