Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
