That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
