we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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