Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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