I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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