the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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