shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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