Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
